2005-03-21 - 10:46 a.m.

For those of you that don�t live here, the weekend saw the country basking in temperatures considered normal in the rest of the civilised world. You could tell it was sunny because people donned shorts and everyone was instantly irritated by the heat. Skimpy clothing and fights breaking out on the streets � ah, the joys of spring. I did most of my basking from inside buses as apparently it now takes four and three quarter hours or something to cross town. I did my best to pretend I was surveying my urban kingdom from a mobile conservatory but that fantasy only lasts so long, to be honest. It�s soon back to raw, unbridled hatred for the transport system and openly swearing.

I�m afraid to say that my non-drinking took something of an enforced rest on Saturday, but it was in the face of extreme provocation, so I don�t feel bad or anything. Sitting down to tapas in a large group, and bear in mind this is after being incarcerated on a double-decker for half the day, the guy next to me, whom I have never met, doesn�t take long to work himself up into a ONE HOUR rant about how much he detested the film �Sideways�. It wasn�t like I had even said something like �I think Sideways is the greatest movie ever made, bar none, and I challenge anyone to think otherwise� and in fact I had not mentioned the film in any way, but there were obviously issues that needed to be addressed.

Man, he really hated that film and no mistake. I think he might have been on the wrong end of some infidelity shenanigans, or had a guilty conscience or something.

Him: Those characters portrayed men in a very bad light. Why can�t we have films where men behave well and make the right decisions instead of fucking everyone up all the time?

Me: (thinking: Because it would be at the same time unrealistic AND the dullest film of all time) Waiter, I think I WILL have some wine after all�

You would have done the same, trust me.

The week has got off to a rocketing good start, though. A bill for five years unpaid National Insurance had my spirits soaring, and the news that my book deal has been fatally wounded (burial this afternoon � no flowers but donations to my sanity will be gratefully accepted) just lightened the mood even more. Apparently some publications have no idea whether or not they own the copyright to material they publish, and take a year to find out, which is really, really, helpful. In the way that being strapped to a small tree and being beaten around the chops with a spade is helpful.

Oh well, at least it�s sunny.