2005-01-21 - 2:55 p.m.

Yeah, I �member the big Diaryland lockdown of 2005. Cold night, it was, the rain drivin� as hard as man who forgot his wife�s birthday to the all-night garage. A night black as coal, it was. Black, mind you. None of that grey or magenta coal. Black. You understand what I�m sayin�?

Ah�d quit mah chores for the day, Mostly just nailing the sheep down and worming Grandma. Well, mah belly thought mah throat�d been slit, and I had a mind to drink me a cold beer and write me some derivative, self-referential claptrap on mah internet diary. You had to. It was either that or, well, talk to folk.

Anyways. The gods were angry that day. I get on the page, try to open up a can o� typin� on its ass, and ah find ah�m getting� about as much response as showin� a card trick to a sheepdog.

Oh, I can�t keep it up, but you get the gist. I didn�t know were to put myself yesterday.

Not that I have anything too say, yes, for a change, I�ll say it for you. Today was to be my last day in the office, but by some weird fluke I don�t have to go in, BUT I still get paid. That's, like, bought to you in full colour skive-a-rama.

They say you should always take something with you on your last day. When I say �they�, I mean, I heard it in a film once. I can�t really just go in to commit petty theft (though it IS quite a tempting idea.) It�s just a good job on my second to last day, I trousered two mugs, a shoulder bag, a calculator, mousemat and novelty bouncy ball. Sadly my printer didn�t fit in the stolen bag, but you take what you can get.

I�m already making the most of my new found free time. This morning I cleaned my fish (well, their bowl) and yesterday I went to the cinema. So it�s all one big bowl of productivity. Still, I wasn�t planning to eat next month.

I went to see chick-boxing flick �Million Dollar Baby�, or, as I thought it should have been called: �Frocky.�