2004-11-02 - 1:19 p.m.

I can�t think of any other possible event happening in the world today that would be more important. The planet has been holding its breath, but finally the outcome is finally decided. Yes, Bruce and I found somewhere to live. We lucked out on a great flat in central location, and the best news of all is that there�s only been ONE murderous, gang-lead rampaging killing spree resulting in multiple injuries and the death of an innocent person in the last 48 hours, so that�s something to be thankful for.

We�re near the river (Gang leaders! Handy for humping our bruised, distended corpses into!) and can now sign off from public transport for ever, able to walk no matter where our fancy takes us in this fine city. Though not after 7.30 at night, for fear of our very lives, obviously.

I�m just kidding. It�s very exciting. Not ONLY am I moving south of the river (�At this time of life, guv? You�re �avin a laaarf, intcha?�), which I said I would only do if the north became enslaved by some race of violent mutant rats, and even then only if I saw a great property, but also it�s the first time I will have lived outside the N4 postcode since I moved to London, all those blah years ago. I�ll miss the old neighbourhood, of course, but all those muggings, time spent waiting for tubes and drug lords for neighbours will just become golden memories, I suppose.

But anyway. In two weeks time we�ll be living on the South Bank. Unless Bush wins again, of course, in which case I�m moving to Mongolia to herd yaks and cry for several decades.