2004-09-21 - 3:26 p.m.

Oh, London. So much to answer for.

Ah, there�s nothing like a nice relaxing 24 hours at home before turning around and going straight back for 12 hours on a plane the exact way you just came. Air travel doesn�t get any more glamorous than THAT, let me tell you. Chances are when I get to Bangkok at whatever time on whatever day (working it out seems pointless) I won�t even remember my own name and will be dribbling out of any orifices that still happen to be functioning. That�s the sophisticated elegance of the jet age right there. Oh yeah.

On the way back from Sydney I got a talker. You�d think donning headphones and tuning in to a sitcom starring Charlie Sheen and that guy from Pretty in Pink was sign enough that I wasn�t really enthralled by a detailed rundown of her departmental restructuring, but I swear when I came up for air (and there�s no way you can watch that show without taking a break) she carried right on. Lady, I care so little about my own office that it barely registers as an emotion, so it�s asking a lot for me to empathise with your corner of the corporate world. Plus, she worked in recruitment, so you know straight off that every word she utters is a total, festering lie.

Since I�ve been going through this little flying phase, I was wondering if being in the sky more than average made you more or less likely to die in a flame-grilled act of political extremity. On the one hand, you�re moving around a lot in places that terrorists seem to like, but on the other hand, you�re constantly darting in and out of specific locations, so the chances of anything bomb-y happening whilst you�re actually there are quite slim. I think you should probably just not think about it and watch more Charlie Sheen sitcoms or something.

OK, I�m repacking, then it�s back to Thailand to (ahem) collect my award (Wanker. There, I said it for you!) though I just heard the dress code is smart-casual so I may have to cancel that gold lam� tuxedo.

Next time I write I might sound like someone in the advanced stages of mad cow disease, so go easy on me.