2004-08-27 - 3:57 p.m.

Ohboyohboyohboy, my brand new spanking new website all of my very own is almost ready. I just have to design it, put all the content up and then do all the links, but apart from that we�re almost ready to go. Bruce taught me well, but he can�t make me not lazy. Anyway, I haven�t been this excited since my last full body cavity search.

It is making me think, though, about whether I would carry on with Pablo, even though sitting here in Kickasso towers has been more fun than sidling up backwards to water jets in a jacuzzi. This is not me fishing for you all to plead with me to stay (although please feel free to do that), just thinking out loud. Actually, I�m thinking out of my fingers which are typing, rather than saying these things in a busy office and thereby worrying my work colleagues. But you get the drift, as I once said to an Eskimo in a snow flurry.

I expect I will stay for a bit at least and see how it goes. None of you can tell my mum, though, as I don�t think she would approve of the human cheese research project. Some Catholic thing, I don�t know.

The chip shop outside my office (not the office I own, the office that employs me) has a sign that says Hand Battered Fish. Obviously a lie as fish is battered in oil that is about 4000 degrees centigrade and no hands I know could stand that for too long. Not long enough to batter a fish, anyway, not even one of those small ones we talked about last week that swims up streams of wee and into your bottom.

Just think, if you could pass urine the temperature of cooking oil, the fish would be battered before it had time to enter your urethra. As long as you could douse it in flour as it ascended. And the pain involved in passing molten cooking oil could be a false economy I suppose.

These are the just the kind of musings my new website will be FULL OF. I know, like me, you cannot wait.