2004-08-03 - 1:32 p.m.

Ewww. Soz about the mythical creature sex aid line yesterday. I don�t know what came over me, as the blindfolded actress said to the�well, let�s just leave it, shall we?

My stint of full time office work is coming to an end, and I�m in about sixty minds as to what to do next. Sadly this has less to do with the multitude of offers that I�m considering than to an acute lack of direction and seemingly no interest in someone hugely wealthy and influential making me an internationally worshipped writer with very little in the way of effort or talent on my part, which is just baffling, to be honest. I mean, heavens to Betsy, isn�t success a god given right these days?!

The book deal that I so foolishly trundled out like a turd on wheels a few weeks ago looks likely to be squashed under the unforgiving, money-obsessed foot of big business. I�m unsure whether or not it is in fact possible to have a money-obsessed foot, but please just go with the image. The foot also has no sense of humour, and says things like �we have to consider the possible impact on our future revenue streams�, which is quite a foot to have to deal with, let me tell you.

I�ll be eating those oh so cocksure words, then. (note to self: do not ever talk about possible projects to anyone ever until resulting material has topped bestseller lists for several years, or capitalist society has been crushed and replaced by a new society that values half-arsed book ideas and balding under-achievers over literary genius and Jennifer L0pez).

Still, in putting together my own website news, I�m putting together my own website, so soon you�ll be able to enjoy the classic humour of mythical beast sex aids and all time classic such as google poetry over and over again. Try and reign in that hysteria, there, popkids.