2004-07-04 - 7:21 p.m.

Bangkok, Thailand.

If you�ve never had your spinal column enthusiastically realigned whilst you urinate, you�ve never been to R@dio City, the best night out in P@t Pong, at least among those nights out that don�t involve someone firing ping-pong balls from their surgically created hoo-haa, and I think we all have nights out like that. Where else can you down Flaming Sambuca whilst being regaled by Thai Elvis, Thai Tom Jones and the alliterative splendour of Thai Tina Tina? Then you can go and point percy at the porceline whilst having your vertebrae re-jigged - a concept that takes some getting used to but once experienced, is sadly missed on subsequent, non-massage oriented trips to the wazz house. Of course, being horrendously drunk helps, as usually I can't go unless the surrounding area has been hermetically sealed and soundproofed and all suggestion of human existence removed.

The hotel is splendid, though I'm being more annoyed than usual by the western men with their Thai girls. They seem to fall into two camps - either rancid old coffin dodgers looking for as many rolls in the viagra-enhanced oriental hay as they can get before they cark it, or griselled, pointy-nosed middle-aged psychotics whose behavioural problems preclude them from having a relationship with someone who isn't desperately trying to claw their way out of poverty. These guys are the most aggressively defensive about their predicament. When you walk past them, they bristle and almost dare you to look at them and their paid-for partner, a predicament they are almost forced into as everyone in the western world would be completely petrified about engaging with them on any level. They look like rabid little granite walnuts, these men, and you wouldn't want to date that would you?

Two more days here, then up north to try and negotiate my way around sitting on an elephant and feeling anything except bewilderment. Tonight we're going for dinner in a restaurant where you lie on beds and eat. I hope the bathroom is suitably adventurous.