2003-02-04 - 5:30 p.m.

I have a morbid fear of health professionals that might nefariously use their positions of power to humiliate me just for kicks. I�m always reluctant, for example, at the opticians, when they test your eyes by having you look at the chart through a quick succession of lenses.

�OK, Mr Pablo, how do the letters look through this lens?�

�Er�a bit blurry.�

(sound of lens being switched)

�OK, how about this? Better or worse?�

�Um�slightly worse��

(sound of lens being switched again)

�OK, how about this? Better or worse than the last one?�

�Slightly better.�

�And is that one slightly better or worse than the original lens? Here it is again just to remind you.�

(lens are flicked past eyes in quick succession)

�Slightly better, I�d say.�

�Is THAT a FACT? Well, for your information, all the lenses I just used were of exactly the same strength. You obviously believe optometry to be the last bastion of the feeble minded, don�t you?! You think we do this just because we couldn�t hack real med school don�t you? You think the eye test is something to be scorned and pitied, to be cast aside as you would a bruised prune or irretrievably damaged shuttlecock! And now I�ve exposed you for the fraudulent lens assessor that you so undeniably are! Go from this place and never return � live with your lies and your mild but socially awkward myopia, and never come back!!!�

Well, that�s how it goes in my dream.