2002-01-21 - 7:33 p.m.

The tube-based Jesus people are a rum little lot. Granted, there�s nothing quite like travelling on the London Underground system to edge you towards the forlorn hope of a benevolent god � I�m ready to believe anything if it will get me off the Northern Line any quicker - but I often wonder about their conversion success rates. Well, not that often, but still. They seem to specialise in a strange kind of shouty evangelism, the transient nature of their audience (ie everyone gets out and changes carriages after one stop) necessitating garbled holy soundbites rather than the coherent sermon approach. Jesus this�God that�you heartless, condemned, fornicating sinners the other, that kind of thing. There�s usually a bit of remedial pointing, just for emphasis, eye contact with the carriage�s �most likely to burn in eternal hellfire� (usually a stern businessman or blatant homosexual) and some concerted breast-beating, like they�re trying to dislodge a particularly stubborn piece of communion wafer. I don�t mind them � they enliven the journey and allow me to continue telling my parents that I�m undergoing religious instruction without technically telling a lie. That, as well you know, would be a sin.