2001-10-26 - 4:56 p.m.

�I�d ask her to dance, but I can�t even stand�as good as my girl if I�d just take her hand�she�s been on the scene and she�s probably clean and I wanna take her home�it�s three in the morning, she�s lovely, but ugly to me��

The tube approaches and as it passes, the guy next to me says to his friend, �Bloody hell � a woman driver! Shall we wait for the next one?!� They get on, laughing. Ha ha. But even following their twisted, misplaced stereotyping, what are they expecting her to do? Drive so badly that the tube is wrenched clean from its tracks and ploughs into the waiting hordes of innocent passengers, suddenly plunged into bloody platform commuter death as the screaming imbecile woman wrestles with the suddenly unfamiliar controls?

Jeez.

I have a friend that refuses to believe that there are female airline pilots. Coincidentally, he is the only person I know, male or female, that has totalled his car at high speed and been lucky to escape with his life.

Isn�t it ironic?

Don�t you think?

�A little of this and a little of that�a little too much and the sex gets so bad�I�ve been on the scene and I�m probably clean and you wanna take me home�I�m ugly, but handsome to you��

A minor sports �personality� on the radio just now, asked whose face he would put on stamps if it were up to him. �Nelson Mandela,� he not unreasonably suggests, before adding �Because that's what he stands for.� What, POSTAGE? Ah, how great that Nelson Mandela survived all those years of prison, physical and mental torture to give inspiration and hope to all those who want to exercise their right to recorded delivery. Sports people should be strictly limited to talking about whatever poxy game they�re getting grossly overpaid to play, I reckon.

Sorry. I�m cranky.

But it�s raining and I just spent all morning dragging my protesting carcass around the employment agencies taking their dumb typing tests and practically begging them for the same menial positions I was begging them for when I arrived in London six years ago.

A little too ironic.

Yeah, I really do think.

�Sick of the scene and I�ve got to come clean, yes I wanna go home �no keep it going, don�t stop to breath�more repetition is just what we need�painless for you, that�s perfect for me, �cos she�s lovely��

Today�s sons of a Wichita Linesman