2001-06-12 - 11:00 p.m.

�I only do these things to freak you out, I never wanted you to doubt me��

I almost forgot the most embarrassing thing about the wedding reception. (side note, why is it that all wedding DJ�s end their sets with the song �New York, New York�?) There was obviously the perennial hell of being the lone single person there, and the seventh circle of that particular hell comes with the excruciating bit when the DJ �slows down the mood� for the bit of the set that was charmingly referred to at high school as the �erection section�. Anyway, so the couples at this stage usually have to lean on each other just to keep upright, and I assume my position of aloof disinterest at the side of the dancefloor. The air I try to give off is �Just look at you all. So much in love. I�m happy for you, but equally content with just sitting here with my own whimsical thoughts�. I think what came across this time, though, was �For the love of god, please someone ask me to dance before I go and drag my mum from the hot and cold buffet. � Two attached girls (partners absent) who were DANCING WITH EACH OTHER dragged me onto the floor into a kind of no-risk threesome, a show of post-nuptial PITY that the best man wasn�t dancing with anyone. It was like being rescued by the United Nations of disco � nice to be saved but sad that you can�t fight your own battles.

�I never felt the urge to say a word. I�d rather listen to the din of other people closing in on me��

Just before leaving my parents, I ask my mum casually if she has any spare pillows, since mine were a little old. Within 15 minutes, she�s mustered up (a process which invariably entails my dad climbing around in the attic) a whole new duvet, flat sheets, a blanket and valance sheets. I don�t even know what valance sheets ARE, let alone feel my futon is in need of any. But you know how it is. Parents LIVE for their children asking for domestic accessories.

�And think of worlds that you should hear, I fall asleep and then they disappear��

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