2001-04-26 - 12:18 a.m.

Quiet please, going for a take. First positions. Roll Sound. Sound�s rolling up. Sounds at speed. Scene 47 take 3. Mark it. Camera�s set. And�action. I heard this sequence almost 200 times in the last 4 days.

Making a film, as far as I can tell, is if nothing else an exercise in having to solve weird problems really quickly. We had to transport a 4 foot onion costume across the city by public transport, help a brewery employee unload his noisy barrels at a pub, keep an irate bar manager happy by blowing the costume budget on alcohol. Once the wheels are in motion, nothing can be allowed to get in the way � people, events, money � none of them matter any more. It�s all about just getting it done. Which is fine if you�re Miramax, but slightly less comfortable when you�re just two regular people having to fund something that absorbs money like, a big, cinematic, absorbent thing. But hey, it�s just a ride.

The minor soap nymphette pulled out, but the ageing ex-soap star was a true pro. The actors were great aside from Mr Fluffer 18 takes for 9 fucking lines asshole on the second day. And the crew, slaving for nothing other than a love of technical artistry, were astonishing. I wanna do it again, but I want someone else to pay.

And�cut. Can we check the gate please? The gate is good. Ladies and gentlemen, that�s a wrap. Fuck me, that�s a big relief.

I�m very tired. If I�ve neglected you recently, I�ll make it up after I sleep so long they change my name to Rip Van Pablo.