2000-12-22 - 21:23:50

�No one likes us, I don�t know why, we may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try��

The whole city is drunk. I swear, you walk round the streets and everyone�s just staggering around, lurching, I�d go so far as to say, even. It�s most undignified. I, of course, have remained a model of sobriety this week as a) I�m preparing myself for a testing 2 � week debauchery fest and b) no-one invited me out anywhere. Actually, that�s not strictly true, as last night I was at my friend�s for dinner AND the good-looking Uma Thurman-a-like French girl was there AND, in breaking news, she�s just split with her boyfriend (�I expect it�s for the best,� I sincerely consoled her).

SO ANYWAY, the first part of the d-fest takes place in the little clod of a town I like to think of as home. I don�t like to think of it OFTEN as home, but you can�t deny your roots, and it�ll be good to see me ma� n da�. I still have some friends there, and I don�t even have to call them to find out what time and in which pub they�ll be meeting, which is reassuring in a scary kind of way. They always try and persuade me to move back up, though I�m not sure what they think I�d do, not that I do much here of course, but at least I�m underachieving in a big pond.

Part 2 is taking place in the mind-bogglingly more cosmopolitan environs of�

Noo

Yawk

Ci-teeeeeeehhhhhh!!!!!!

�Boom goes London, and boom Par-ee, more room for you and more room for me��

And I�ll be seeing her , who�s wonderfully being a superstar and letting me sleep in her cat litter, and her , who�s going to teach me to drink like a native and hopefully, if briefly, him , to whom I owe a pint for artistic services rendered n� her , who will no doubt just have the biggest smile on her face due to aforementioned artist and, equally hopefully, well, you know who you are.

So I may be a little while. I�ll try and look in on you all, though I�m sure you�ll manage to have a suitably yuletide-infested time without me.

Just remember: have a good time�all the time.

Increase the peace.

�And every city, the whole world round, will just be another American town, oh how peaceful it�ll be��

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