2000-11-28 - 14:08:18

�Well come on beautiful, we�ll go sit on the front lawn, and watch the fireflies as the sun goes down. They don�t live too long, just a flash and then they�re gone��

England�s rugby players recently went on strike. You�d think if there was a profession that could prove how immaterial it was to everyone�s lives by going on strike, it would be rugby players. You can just see the news, �And the country remains at a virtual standstill today as the rugby player�s strike enters its third week�the lives of many have been�wait a minute�it�s just a fucking sport! Everyone can return to normal! We�re not actually affected by this at all!� What next? Fashion correspondents?

The linguistic equivalent to the impact of a rugby player�s strike: saying the phrase, �I have a question�� And then asking a question. Especially with a rising intonation.

I�ve been infected by an ex-pat Americans leftover Thanksgiving turkey. You don�t want to know the details.

�Well you�re so pretty baby, you�re the prettiest thing I know. Well you�re so pretty baby�where did you go?�

Speaking to one of the �Publicity people� for our short film (ie. Someone that someone else knows who�s vaguely worked in publicity but isn�t successful enough to turn us down when we begged for help) at lunch yesterday. Him: �So I�ll be organising two premieres for next Spring.� Me: �Uh, technically, I think you can only have one premiere. That�s kind of the nature of it.� Him: �No, there are two cinemas that will show the film for one night for free.� Me: �Yes, but one of them won�t be a premiere, strictly speaking.� Him (irritated): �Yes it will. It�s two DIFFERENT cinemas.� Me (repeatedly jabbing fork into own leg under table): �OK. Great. Let�s have two premieres.�

I could have sworn today there was meant to be some freak heatwave, but it didn�t materialise. I hope I didn�t dream it. My life is definitely in trouble if I�m dreaming about inaccurate weather reporting.

I can�t walk down Oxford Street without the palpable need to hold someone�s hand.

�Oh come on... We�ll go sit on the front lawn. I hold you in my arms and then you�re gone.�

Today�s special guest