2000-11-13 - 18:55:30

�All the cocaine in the world�.�

In the continuing series of strange, vaguely aggressive gestures that seem to be happening to me on the streets these days, someone threw a snowball at me yesterday. Bare in mind it has yet to snow here this year. They threw it from the top of a fucking tower block, at me, on the street below. It missed by a couple of inches, but had it hit its unsuspecting target, I bet it would have really chaffed. Now, given the absence of snow at the time, I�m lead to believe that children in our inner cities are plummeting to such levels of boredom that they are being forced to create inappropriate seasonal missiles. A simple water balloon was not sufficient, oh no. Too predictable. Let�s hit those suckers with some late-autumn snowballs. Quite ingenious. But the fuckers need to practice their aim.

��all the cocaine in the world��

I could never have children. Besides that whole food-air deal, the temptation to name them after people I had adolescent crushes on would just be too great. I mean, I think you only like names that you have nice associations with. So my children would be Grace, Stephanie, Becky, Lisa, Nicola, and the boys after some of the senior altar boys from my old parish church. And that�s just SICK. Not the altar boy thing (though that does raise issues, obviously) but naming a daughter after some girl who just happened to shoot you into puberty. I think all parents should be made to explain their name choices in great detail. In many cases, I bet they�re the names of people they�d rather be married to.

��all the cocaine in the world��

Today at my first trade fair as a kind of freelance sort of journalist: �Hello, I�d like to register.� �OK, press need to go upstairs�. Upstairs: �Hello, I�d like to register.� �Press need to go downstairs.� Downstairs: �Hello, I�d like to register.� �OK, press need to go upstairs.� Upstairs: �Hello, I�d like to register.� �Press need to go downstairs.� �I�ve BEEN downstairs. Twice.� �You went downstairs?� �Yes, to the ground floor�� �Oh NO, mate, you want the mezzanine floor.�

The mezzanine. I HATE the mezzanine floor. What�s the point of it? Why not just make the mezzanine the first floor and do away with the whole retarded concept? Just because it�s BETWEEN two floors, doesn�t mean we shouldn�t count it as a floor. ALL floors are between two others � do THEY get special names. Well, DO THEY?

I think I need to redirect my anger at something of consequence.

��won�t bring back the girl��

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