2000-11-10 - 21:28:34

�Been thinking about you, and there�s no rest�.shit, I still love you�still see you in bed�.but I�m playing with myself��

I�m supposed to have moved out of here by now. At least, it�s getting close to the time I should be gone. This is the sum of my paranoia: three years ago I foiled a robbery in a next door flat. I hear some guy break in, I call the police, they arrive, I go to let them in. And this fucking donut, who I thought would be long gone, is standing in the lobby with his bags o� swag. He says: Hello. I say: Hello. He says: I�m just on my way out. I say: After you. And he opens the door to ten policemen. The phrase �You�re nicked� springs readily to mind. Anyway, he wisely decides to plead Not Guilty, such is his criminal mastermind. His story � he saw the open door from the street and heard the alarm going off, and wandered in to see what was happening and found all this stuff and was about to take it to the police station. So because of Mr Civic Minded, I have to go to court as the sole prosecution witness.

It didn�t start well. I went up to the stand, was sworn in, and sat down, and promptly disappeared from view. �Mr Pablo, it�s customary to stand on these occasions.� �Oops�sorry, your Honour.� Then the judge says �Your name is Pablo and you live at an address known to the police.� I say �It IS???� Then I realise he just meant he wasn�t going to read my address out. Anyway, after my statement, the prosecution bitch has permission to lay into me. She�s pretty rough and keeps saying things like �So you wouldn�t say that it wasn�t not impossible for you to be unsure�� My mate the judge was reigning her in, though. And then it comes down to her big play: �But you�ve no way of knowing for definite that this man is the man who broke into the flat.� Me: �Ahem. Yes, because I saw the entire thing on my video entry system.� Oh I�m sorry, did I forget to mention that? And you could just SEE the wind exiting her sails at great speed. I felt kind of sorry for her, but when you�re dealing with someone of my legal prowess, you shouldn�t count your chickens before they�re given a 5 year custodial sentence.

That�s what he got. But I�m figuring three for good behaviour. I have a mental image of him in his cell, my face on his dartboard, and a thousand pages of detailed descriptions of what he�s going to do to me once he gets out written in his own blood. I mean, I did wear an old pair of glasses to the trial, but I doubt that will throw him much. I�m a marked man, and I should move on, but you know, I�m just SURE I�ll never get a bedroom this size for the same price anywhere else.

�And what do you care, when the other men are far far better?�

Tomorrow night I�ve been tricked into going to a party where I�ve just realised much to my horror that the person who invited me has done so to try and palm me off on one of her undesirable single friends. The vague invitation�the late and sudden change in the people actually going�too late to cancel�the grinding of metal as undateable meets unboyfriendable. I mean, it�s kind of good of �friends� to give some consideration to one�s flagging love life, but there�s REASONS we�re single, and bringing those reasons into one room under the influence of industrial amounts of alcohol can only do more harm than good, I�m convinced. I�m thinking I�ll just feign some terrible social affliction early on (like Tourett�s Syndrome) just to relieve the pressure.

�Been thinking about you, how can you sleep�these people aren�t your friends, they�re paid to kiss your feet�they don�t know what I know��

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