2000-11-09 - 12:07:50

�You�re so pretty when you�re unfaithful to me�you so pretty when you�re unfaithful to me��

Davina bottled it. Or maybe I just didn�t see her in amongst the belly dancers and transvestites on stilts. Those guys crack me up. Four years at drama school, and now they�re wearing dresses and serving canap�s from a height. Actually it was a very poor celebrity turn out. No-one of any note. Some minor soap stars, but no-one you�d want to snort coke off. I made buttock-clenchingly fake smalltalk with my ex-co-workers and drank as much as I physically could. It was all tres shallow. I was getting a drink and this glittery but stressed looking ligger girl said (actually, more like barked) to no-one in particular, �Isn�t Kylie (note to American readers: diminutive aussie pop starlet) here yet?� With my inside information, I told her that Ms Minogue would not, in fact, be in attendance (she was out of the country, or recording, or having her pubic hair bleached, or something). �Fuck!� The news wasn�t going down well. �She�s the only reason I came!� And off she stormed in the direction of the toilet, jabbing at her mobile phone angrily.

And no-one mistook me for Moby.

�I was talking to preachy preach about kissy kiss�he bought me a soda�he bought me a soda�.and he tried to molest me in a parking lot��

People are wearing poppies for Remembrance Day, which I guess is fair enough. But what�s with these people wearing extra big ones? What is that about? Are we meant to think they care more about the war dead? God, how fucking compassionate you are, how could I even think about representing my guilt about man�s inhumanity to man with my cheap little plastic imitation?

In a related matter, I strongly recommend this site

Don�t worry, poor, beleaguered America. It doesn�t make any difference who gets in. As usual, I prescribe a healthy dose of the late great Mr Hicks:

�So you know it�s just a handful of people that actually run everything�it�s proveable�a handful, a very small elite actually run and own this country�and I have a feeling that whoever becomes president�no matter what they promise on the campaign trail, blah, blah, blah�when you win, you go into this smoky room with the twelve industrialist capitalist scumfucks who got you in there, and then this little screen comes down, and a big guy with a cigar says, �Roll the film��and it�s a shot�of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you�ve never seen before, that looks suspiciously off the grassy knoll�and then the screen goes up and the lights go on and they say to the new president��Any questions?��.�Er�just what my agenda is��

�Your bone�s got a little machine��

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