2000-10-29 - 11:47:33

�Still, you must understand me, I guess�

On the tube last night and a man is accusing another man of not being blind. �You�re about as blind as I am,� he was saying (he had quite thick glasses, too, so this maybe wasn�t the wisest of verbal ploys). I�m not sure how the argument started � I mean, the (alleged) blind guy was pretty convincing. He had the white stick and dark glasses, and wasn�t, like, reading a newspaper or anything. But maybe the angry guy had caught him out somehow. Though that would seem a strange thing to do � testing the validity of strangers� disabilities. I can think of more fulfilling hobbies. It all got quite heated, the blind man protesting that he �hadn�t seen anything for 30 years� (has much worth seeing happened since 1970?) and the angry man claiming that he�d �met his kind before�, implying that he had vast experience of people faking visual impairment for fun. Unfortunately I had to get off before any kind of resolution, though I was half tempted to miss my stop just to see how it turned out. It�s hard to see what satisfaction the angry man would have got from being right, but it would have been embarrassing for the blind man. The only way out would be to jump up and shout �It�s a miracle!�

Do they have blind dogs for the Guides?

�Now, you think that I am a nasty bit of goods, I guess�

For those of you who don�t know, this is a new journal, hastily put together after the people at the company where I was freelancing found an entry in my previous one where I was being particularly harsh, er, about them all. (I can�t mention the name in case they run a search on that too, but it began with �g� and rhymed with �arcia�.) That was a fun afternoon at work. �Wow! I hope they�re going to offer me a permanent position!� I thought as they called me into the back office to not offer me a permanent position.

In America they�re called �seeing eye� dogs, which seems to me like�..er�.tautology or oxymoron (I always mix them up). Is there a name for those little monkeys that do everything, like make cups of tea ands so forth, for quadriplegics? Those little buggers are cool. You always see those people that train Guide dogs�I wonder if you can volunteer to train those little monkeys, because I�m always losing my remotes? Mind you, it might be a bit messy to start with.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has been so brilliant and supportive and fluffy during my fall from grace. You all deserve incredible sex with a minor soap star of your own choosing. Or if that�s not your bag (colostomy: it�s not my bag), then a big bowl of tasty�er�soup.

�But I am loved because I am cute.�

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