2005-09-02 - 8:15 p.m.

Miami, Florida

Well it�s 24 hours in and no major personal discourtesies have yet occurred. I haven�t been carjacked (though in part this may be because I have yet to pick up the rental car), I haven�t got lost (I insist on leaving the hotel only with the most detailed of instructions) and even more reassuringly, I haven�t been gang-raped by Colin Farrel and a troupe of lighting technicians from the film Miami Vice.

Yes, they are STILL filming this, apparently. I seem to remember reading about it so much that I almost thought the film had been released and forgotten about, But according to my sauce (I have a bottle of Tabasco that keeps me in the know), it is only due out next summer now. Anyway, I had lunch today at little Col�s hotel and he was nowhere to be seen, though he may have been out impregnating Latinas or something more exciting, I suppose.

The non-stop laugh fest that we know and love as US Immigration took more than a passing interest in my Cuban visa, and then noted that recent travels also include Venezuela, Grenada, Myanmar and Malaysia � all healthy hotbeds of foaming anti-US hatred, though my line about just going to these places to research holiday brochures seemed to work.

The immigration official then told me that he was Cuban, but that he couldn�t go to his home country because of �some crazy bullcrap reasons�. You�d think the front line of Homeland Security might have a better grip on the intricacies of US-Cuban relations, though maybe he was trying to lure me into coming out as a rampant Castro liker.

When they ask me the nature of my trip at US immigration, I always say �I�m just on vacation�, even though I would never consider using that word under any other circumstances. Next I�ll be talking about hoagies, grits and pep rallies.

Last night was spent mostly drinking one dollar drinks at the American Legion, and swimming under the stars when it was way past my getting up time the next day, English time. The next nine days may be logistical carnage, but at least it was a lovely start.