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2005-07-07 - 2:46 p.m.

Boom goes London.

So I got up this morning, cancelled an appointment I was supposed to have in town at 10ish, and settled down to write a hi-LAR-ious account of our trip to Malmo.

Then I turned on the news and saw that London, still puffing smugly on its post-Olympic orgasm fag, had been blown up.

There’s not really any information on TV. Nothing consistent, at least. Are there 2 people dead? 20? 200? And what’s with the BBC clinging to the explanation that it was some kind of rogue “power surge” until about half an hour ago? Yeah, some power surge, surging out of the underground and surging into buses and ripping the roofs off them.

In my own way, I feel a bit shaken that I could and should have been on the tube when the bombs went off (for once my chronic laziness proved beneficial), but much more than that I’m relieved that everyone I know seems to have been away from the carnage. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like. People on the news are giving interviews with soot-doused faces and bleeding legs.

Though the government would never dream of telling us how to feel, they say that “The British people will not be cowed”. Speak for yourself, mate! I’ll allow myself to be as cowed as I like, and I don’t even really know what it means.

I felt guilty about doing something so mundane as going to the sandwich shop for some lunch, but you’ve got to go on eating. Everyone was chatty in the queue. This is evidently what it takes to make random Londoners talk to each other.

It’s weird that our local station, Waterloo, wasn’t hit. It seems that even hardened terrorists have their doubts about coming south of the river (“Yes, I know I agreed to blow myself up, but please don’t make me go to Lambeth...”)

Obviously all the TV news people are trying to get the police to say it was Al Quaeda (I wonder if there is anyone actually called Alex or Alan Quaeda?) but all they will say is that it “appears to be some kind of coordinated attack”. Yes, it DOES appear to be that, doesn’t it? Colour me impressed and promote that man to Chief Inspector.

I’m glad you’re all safe and sound. If you want me, I’ll be staying indoors for the next five years.

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