2005-04-17 - 11:49 p.m.

�Of course, the Best Man�s speech can really make or break these occasions�� The bride�s uncle, this was. So no pressure at least. Yeah, cheers. This is a couple of hours before. Three very long, gut-sloggingly (almost) booze-free hours. You don�t want to take the stand completely sloshed. Still, nice meal. Top drawer scran. Prestigious fodder, as such.

I�m half way in when the heckle comes. �Where are the JOKES?!?!� The eight year old nephew of the groom had just effortlessly reeled in the biggest gut laugh of the night and I�m on the ropes, skewered by the innocent musings of this precocious bystander. A sucker punch from the plucky infant whistleblower. There�s no legislating for that kind of development. Luckily, I was slaying the crowd already and the boy actually meant HIS jokes, the ones he had told me earlier that day, which sadly I couldn�t use. I despatched him with an off-the-cuff put down (a gentle rebuff � you don�t win fans by slagging off kids) and reeled off the rest to a thunderous reception. Generous applause. Gratitude for a job well done, innit?

At 9pm, the dinner was over. Post-nuptial ceremonies effortlessly dispatched. Best man duties fulfilled with aplomb. Monumental drinking ensues, obviously. That would be a �make�, then. And not bad considering I was still writing the effing thing on the train on the way up.

Spectacular countryside, though. The kind of brutally scenic moorland that England does best, and somewhere in the middle of the granite and the wind and the dales, your oldest friend is happily married and you�re getting poodle-faced drunk and being complimented by strangers of all ages. Which was nice. I even made the groom�s mum cry, and not in a bad way. I even didn�t mind being the only single person there. I even didn�t mind that I couldn�t drink for the first six hours of it.

I don�t often feel very pleased with myself. But last night I did. I�m sure it won�t last, but while it does, I�ll take it.