2003-08-12 - 12:58 p.m.

I have invented a brand new art form, but am scared about sharing it since someone would steal it and sign a multi-million pound book deal over an overpriced bistro-based lunch with some toadying, oily publisher who would take it and mangle it beyond all recognition in an attempt to bring it to a jaded public who only lap up the pallid mediocre spew of the lowest common demoninator, recoiling with barely disguised revulsion from anything barely outside the withered, dead centre of culture and reduced to regarding the slop placed in front of them through glazed, seeping eyes, pausing only to ingest another bag of luminous carbohydrate snack that promises so little and delivers even less. That's my fear, anyway.