2003-07-02 - 1:13 p.m.

I was feeling a bit sarcastic when I had to do the weird ads copy at work today:

The Last Supper,fantastic one off mosaic painting, picture is beautifully made up of semi precious stones, first to see will buy, �300 no offers.

Religion has always been beset by the kind of delusional barmpots that call newspapers claiming that the face of Jesus has appeared in their low fat spread, or that they've come across a Findus Crispy Pancake that looks like St Rupert. This kind of raving fervour also funds a healthy industry in religious nik-naks, from illuminous 3D holograms of the nativity scene to weeping models of Mary that bawl real holy water. The Last Supper by Michelangelo has also inspired many artistic tributes, not all of them via the tasteful medium of semi-precious stones like this.

Life size Elvis statue,standing holding microphone, bargain, you will not find cheaper, �300 no offers.

As far as statues of Elvis go, his "standing and holding a microphone" pose is probably one of his better ones. Contrast, if you will, the abject failure of anyone to successfully market statues in his "almost bursting out of his white jumpsuit whilst hefting his corpulent frame around a Vegas stage" or "not looking too lively whilst sitting on the loo having dropped his deep fried cheeseburger" poses. Fans of The King can recreate Graceland in their own homes, except without the huge, marble-clad mansion and legions of fans coming through the gates to pay tribute, obviously.

Tim Henman printcolour, large, framed, signed by artist & Henman, offers invited.

You can always tell when summer is officially here - talk in the sports pages turns from our football team that never wins anything to our tennis players that never win anything. Wimbledon arrives with its customary full colour pictures of east European blond girls that go out in the first round and incredible statistics about how much strawberries cost this year. Meanwhile, the crowds gather to cheer on "Tiger" Tim, with those that didn't queue for three nights to get tickets sitting on Henman Hill, so called because that's where he watches the final from every year. Declare your allegiances with this tribute to the fist-clenching serve and volley merchant.

Big Brother artwork,the superhero designs housemates painted during their weekly challenge, all 9 for sale separately, �200 each.

Every so often, someone will play a mean trick on those bastions of integrity in the art world. An exhibition will open in a posh gallery, and all the critics and artists there for the free wine will rave about how the work displays a raw energy and does away with conventional techniques. Then the promoter will reveal that all the paintings were done by cats, or elephants, or blindfolded chimps, and everyone will look pretty stupid. Speaking of talentless performing monkeys, here's some daubings from the reality TV drones of the Big Brother household - yours only if the National Gallery doesn't snap them up first.