2002-08-09 - 12:19 a.m.

A mere year behind common thinking, I�m in love with The Avalanche�s CD, and not just because they have a song called �Pablo�s Cruise�. I�m playing it to bring me down from the heightened state of anxiousness I arrive back from work in every day, days that would at the moment be darn near intolerable but for the e-mail stylings of jennyj, who�d be a great person if she weren�t a hundred times funnier than me. Today was hangover tinged, celebrating as I was last night the birthday of splendid chap Anthony, in an evening notable for its invention of the word �lovethrob�, as in �(S)He�s a complete lovethrob�.

As soon as I get home these days, my IQ goes into remission, and I rot in front of the TV like so much overworked compost. I just watched a dating programme where some over-privileged princess with the intellectual capability of a ripped shoebox got to choose from 30 guys, or would have done if strict Indian parents didn�t have their say too. They wanted a Punjabi doctor, which narrowed the field somewhat. She apparently wanted someone who could �stimulate her mentally�, though you get the impression that this could be easily achieved by dangling a shiny coin in front of her and going, �Look! Sparkly! Oooh!� They inspected one candidate�s bedroom, and he embarrassingly forgot to remove a huge box of tissues from his bedside table, which is, as we all know, tantamount to saying, �The big thing about me is that I wank a hell of a lot.�

Still, she was pretty, so everlasting, if shallow, happiness will undoubtedly be hers before long. Anyway, the link is that today, in a short-lived moment of panic, I considered joining a dating site. It does seem to be the obvious move given the singular very obvious aversion with which eligible London has regarded me for the last three and a half years. The recurrent unanimous rejection does kind of weigh a tad heavily after a while, and I briefly figured that hitting a seam of appropriately desperate potential singles could be the way to go, though I soon came to my senses � in essence I�d be paying money for pretty much the same experience � and have dismissed the whole enterprise.

Shit, man. Even Hitler had Ava Braun (though apparently she found him �aloof�.) On that tip, I�ve often been told that I�m �not enough of a bastard�, as being a total fuckwad (that�s like, a wad of fuck) is apparently considered A Good Thing these days. So maybe I�ll hone up on some casual racism, throwaway homophobia and barbaric insensitivity. It�s all good, allegedly.

My kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder. Jeff had something, I think.