2002-06-17 - 7:04 p.m.

In a fit of mischiev-iosity (what IS the noun for mischievous? OH YEAH! MISCHIEF! I write for a living, you know�) I may have been vaguely misleading about my new job, which I started today and only turned up an hour late, to emphasise my commitment. Technically it�s a newspaper, and technically it�s national and technically I�m writing front page news.

Thing is, the �news� about second-hand goods being advertised (and if you live in the UK, it IS the second-hand goods advertising paper that you no doubt imagine it to be) is pretty easy to make up. The �news� basically says: �Here�s some of the second hand good you can buy in this publication�. So I have to write phrases like �It�s a fact that most of today�s top rock stars will have picked up a second hand instrument at some point in their early careers� without cringing too much. The other section I write is the bit of commentary about weird ads they receive, which is actually quite fun. Today I had to comment on ads for cased fish, an R2D2 telephone and a used airline toiletries bag (which cost �6, believe it or not, though you�d probably get crushed in the stampede for that one). All in all, it will be fine for the next few weeks, and at least I can do it anonymously. I really want to do a front page on the �8 inch male seeks bi couple for no strings fun� ads that they run in the back, but I�ve been warned to steer clear, which is a real shame.