2005-11-11 - 2:30 p.m.

Among my current favourite robots are those cyber-cashiers in the supermarket around the corner, Their charm is partly that they are a huge waste of everyone�s time and money, in that for every human they save having to employ at about three quid an hour, they need about four supervisors to help out when they go wrong, which is about every 12 seconds.

I like to watch from the safety of the human queue. Some hapless chump thinks that they can save time by using the machine as they only have one can of pop to pay for. After scanning it through about fifty times, the item might come up, or, more likely, the bizarre metallic shriek of �UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA�, which is the supermarket equivalent of the ship�s computer warning of intruders in Sector G. It always takes them about 25 minutes to pay and get out, anyway, and other people being needlessly delayed = funny.

�Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area� is, as Bruce will attest, coincidentally the title I will give to my debut post-rock album. I�d also like to patent my name for a revolutionary race relations side project, which will be a Muslim covers band who question stereotypes by performing new romantic pop hits from the 1980s: Qur�an Qur�an. Their set would include all the classics: Save a (call to morning) Prayer, A View to a (Halal compliant) Kill and New Crescent Moon on Monday. If that doesn�t dispel prejudice, I don�t know WHAT will.

(I was trying to do a play on Spandau Ballet with lead singer Tony (Ji)Hadley, but it seemed contrived. As opposed to what I did come up with.)

(I also think there�s a niche for a Kaiser Chiefs guide to healthy eating: I Predict a Diet.)

I�ll stop now.

On Monday I am to unveil my brand new travel blog, so try not to drench yourself in pure liquid excitement over the weekend, and watch this space.