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2005-11-07 - 1:49 p.m.

The other day, I had to write a review of a bar room that�s fashioned entirely from Scandinavian Ice. It�s pretty much as you might imagine, except with more expensive drinks. Say what you like about London, but where else in the world can you pay twelve quid to stand in a ponced-up meat locker sipping overpriced vodka from a giant ice cube whilst wearing a furry silver poncho that makes you look like the only gay Eskimo? Actually, quite a few other places, but that�s beside the point. Anyway, it�s obviously in some kind of �pointless things to do for money-wasting Eurotrash� guidebook as you have too make a reservation. AND they throw you out after 45 minutes, though in fairness you feel like nicking off after about five.

On the bus on the way back, I saw a car reverse into a pedestrian. It�s nice to see road accidents are making a big comeback at the moment (my friend Shannon has seen about four in the last week) � a nice retro safety issue instead of all that modern gun crime and date rape drugs. My friend Paul is big in London transport and says that since thetragiceventsofsevenseven, bicycle usage has shot right up, and given that much of central London is about as bike friendly as a puncture, so has the number of pedal-pushers getting creamed into pavement dressing. I mean, you do the math.

This possibly coincides with reports that cyclists are using high amounts of amphetamines to enhance their performance (you do the meth), that all the bikes being taken out of dusty sheds have displaced massive amounts of dormant Lepidoptera (you do the moth), and that the battle between cyclists and drivers has reached the proportions of ancient Greek legend (you do the myth).

Its good to know that there is some excellent hospital equipment around, though, should you be rushed into casualty after having a bumper up the jacksie. I know this as Philips are currently advertising their latest MRI scanner on TV. Now, call me a bluff old cynic, but I suspect this isn�t the kind of thing that the person in the street is too likely to buy on a whim (�Honey, I know it seems expensive, but I figured you just never know when you might need to perform a functional neurological and cardiovascular study, and at these prices, I�m thinking we can�t afford NOT to��) Perhaps they have discovered that hospital management are suckers for Coronation Street, and decided to try and sneak under their radar during the commercial break. They DO look like good MRI scanners, mind.

I could have used a portable one to check for any signs of cerebral activity in that ice bar.

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