2005-10-06 - 8:54 p.m.

I managed to sell a promotional copy of a Mavericks DVD that I, well, let�s just say �acquired� for eight whole pounds on Amazon, so my money worries are OVER like clover. Or possibly like Anna Kournikova. So you can give your money to the Red Cross or someone actually deserving of it like your expectant soon to be wife, and not some underachieving internet loon.

Moving swiftly on, then.

My immediate employment prospects have also improved as there is now about a thirty percent chance that I might get to go to San Diego to cover an apple pie festival in a couple of weeks, and you just know I�ve been dying to get in on that lucrative apple pie festival covering action. If I can capitalise on it, there�s no telling where it might take me. Pie fiestas, pastie fairs, sausage roll fetish conventions. I hear the Financial Times are looking for an international pastry correspondent. Time Magazine recently lost their best Crust Reporter. There�s openings.

In a spate of uncharacteristic activity, I joined lots of freelancing forums in order to be inspired by other people�s ideas � i.e. steal them. It�s all very well, but it�s a bit daunting as everyone else seems to have journalism qualifications up the wazoo. There�s hasn�t been anything remotely professional up my wazoo since a misunderstanding with a Hungarian proctologist.

Interestingly, not many of them go on largely pointless press trips to cover insubstantial rubbish, instead weirdly concentrating on well-researched, newsworthy articles that are likely to sell on a regular basis. Crazy, huh? It�s an interesting concept, I suppose.

Anyway, I am embiggened by a new positive attitude. I don�t really need to sell any photos. I think, just like everyone else who might be have a bad week once in a while, I just needed to hear I don�t totally suck swinging donkey balls once in a while.

The captain has now turned on the 'quit whining' sign, which I will be observing.