2005-06-08 - 4:34 p.m.

God on a stick, I�ve been doing nothing for about four weeks now, which should leave me feeling refreshed and energised and brimming with worky goodness, but instead I just want to lie down in a dark room and have people bring me tottering piles of money without the need for effort of any kind on my part. Unrealistic? Yeah�well�THAT�S what they said about Tom Cruise holding down a relationship with a straight woman female of the opposite gender and he�s had LOADS�er�oh.

Lesson learned last night: Ideas for musicals never sound that good when you explain them to people.

So Saturday I�m off to Arkansas for little or no apparent reason apart from to take part in outdoor adventure, which as you know I am a big fan of and physically suited to on every level. Strength, agility, coordination�these are just some of the qualities God on a stick saw not to bless me with when he was dishing out these things. I just hope none of it involves proximity to horses.

After that, it�s New Orleans for some not at all earned in any way R n� R. I�m fairly sure THAT won�t involve proximity to horses.

I never do these, except when I do:

1. Total number of films I own on DVD: Probably around 50. I invested heavily in VHS at the time. Go me. Not sure how likely I ever am to fire up the video and rewind The Basketball Diaries, but there you go.

2. The last film I bought: A Mighty Wind. It�s OK, but no Best in Show or Waiting for Guffman. We rent a lot of DVDs.

3. The last film I watched: The League of Gentlemen�s Apocalypse at the cinema. It was very disappointing because most of the TV show was excellent. This was batshit, though.

4. Five films that I watch a lot: Withnail & I, Great Expectations, The Spanish Prisoner, Annie Hall and Glengarry Glenross, which I have seen about a kabilion times.