2005-05-17 - 11:58 p.m.

I�ve been jaw-droppingly remiss in not thanking everyone who helped me with the responses to the online diary romance jiggy jiggy maybe we got married none of your beeswax survey. I am very grateful to you all, but there�s minor setback in that the publication (spits throatily on adjacent copy) has spiked the feature. That�s technical talk, kids for them putting the idea of the feature on a spike, which they then thrust, giggling, through my very journalistic soul.

We live to fight another day, though, and I�m heading along the metaphorical newsagent�s shelf to find a home for it. But thank you, and if you still want to get involved, there�s still time, thanks largely to my own pitching incompetence.

On TV tonight was competition taken to its (il)logical conclusion, in Man vs Beast. It�s hard to convey if you haven�t seen it, but suffice to say that humankind enters into all sorts of baffling sporting lunacy with various animals (Man races a giraffe, man eats hotdogs against a bear, 44 midgets race pulling a plane against an elephant). The animals romped hoe over the series, spurred on, you can only imagine, by the wild eyed hysteria of being shit-sprayingly terrified at what was going on. I like the Orang-utan pulling a sumo wrestler into a pit of mud, though.