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2005-04-27 - 7:29 p.m.

A few days ago I had nothing going on, and then now I�m off to France at the weekend, a launch party in the office, a black tie dinner on a cruise ship (nice, I know) in, um, Southampton on Thursday, a house warming party next Friday, then Havana Cuba for a whole sweet week. Plus, lunches out the wazoo. If anyone would like to hire me out their liver as a surrogate, I�d be more than glad to talk turkey. It never rains but it completely arses down (in a social sense). It�s all good for material, though, right?

Oh, and I got invited on a press trip to Arkansas�I have no thoughts on that subject yet.

There�s a big European football match between two English clubs in about an hour and the news reporter said that both sets of fans had been in Trafalgar square since noon and were �nicely warmed up�, which we all know means they cannot talk or move their legs and are sweating pure alcohol out of their eyeballs as we speak. Remember, it�s not the winning or losing � it�s how drunk you get.

My random internet gambling route to certain riches, early retirement and hot and cold running nubile soap nymphettes seems to be stalling somewhat, much to everyone�s immense surprise. After a lucky massive win on the most unpredictable horse race of the year, my long-thought out, slowly-chosen considered bets seem to be eroding the stockpile, which tells me something about my strategy � i.e. that it is total and utter guff and I may as well stick pins into the sports pages. Still, it was nice to believe I was an infallible tactical genius at least for a short while.

I�ll write with a further update on that situation as I hand my laptop into the pawn shop.

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