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2005-04-07 - 11:56 a.m.

Two people opposite me in the office yesterday were discussing our glorious Chancellor, Gordon Brown (texture like sun).

�You know that he�s got one glass eye.�

�Really? But he CAN see out of it�it does WORK, right?�

That�s people from among the cream of Her Majesty�s Press, that is. Although I�m one to talk, having once at a press breakfast mistaken a newspaper advertorial for the film The Day After Tomorrow for an actual scientific prediction of forthcoming meteorological disaster, much to the terminal bafflement of all concerned.

My speech for the wedding next week is going really well, if by really well you mean that I�ve thought of two really old jokes that I can just about squeeze in if I make some really tenuous comments about the groom. Knowing the guy for almost thirty years does give me a glut (or is it a slew?) of material, but take out the smut, ex-girlfriends and tales of general drunken tomfoolery (he gives great drunken tomfoolery) and I�m left with about three lines on something that happened when we were seven. And I�m not sure I can even name that Catholic priest for legal reasons�(hahaha, just kidding, of course. He was actually Anglican.)

As you can see, preparing five minutes of charismatic, witty repartee is going to be something of a slog.

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