2005-02-09 - 1:38 p.m.
Got productivity? Yesterday I ran four miles and saw the world�s most expensive cocktail.
The two events are unrelated.
The problem with the world�s most expensive cocktail, the launch party of which I was bafflingly invited to, is that predictably, it�s a lie. The cocktail, which contains moderately-priced spirits and not liquid platinum mixed with dodo tears, simply has a jewel of your choice in it � to be presented to your bling-hungry object of affection I suppose in a not at all tacky romantic gesture.
The rock isn�t an ingredient in the cocktail, though � surely it just happens to be in the vicinity. Why, I could pour myself a gin and tonic at home and sell it complete with the house that surrounds it and call it the world�s most expensive cocktail. It don�t make it so.
Especially as I don�t own the house.
I only went to see one specific work type person, and as they had to flit around, I stood around on my own quite a lot sipping the modestly-priced liquid components of the world�s most expensive cocktail.
Some plumb-mouthed hoo-ray sidles up to me and says �Well, seeing there�s no-one around, I might as well talk to you!�
Whoa there, Champagne Charlie. For starters, that�s about as insultingly patronising an ice-breaker as you�re likely to hear and secondly, I don�t respond well to what�s the conversational equivalent of a hostile takeover bid.
His chinless optimism faded quickly as it became stunningly obvious that we had little in common outside of our drinks, compounded by my complete inability to orchestrate smalltalk. Even when I want to, in these situations, I find myself delving for questions to ask, and my mind will only come up with �So, what�s your favourite peanut?� or �How do you find it, having knees?� or �What�s the deal with ducks?� � when I�m not in the mood, I don�t even get gems like those.
A couple of his colleagues joined us, and then he excused himself. As he did, you could see the fear in their eyes, knowing they would have to talk to me. The kind of look you might give an aggressive religious maniac who�s about to try and recruit you into their cult. Tempting as it was to watch them squirm, I thought another trip to the bar was the best course of action, especially as the world�s most unremarkably priced cocktails were being divvied out for free.
Came home sober to find on the TV news that a hugely expensive commercial operation to go around the world in a boat had been successful. Let�s applaud every time big business does something they can apparently afford to, shall we? World�s most expensive cocktail? World�s most self-indulgent dinghy? World�s least impressed person?
