2004-11-11 - 4:46 p.m.

I see the army are taking Fa-loo-JAH in their usual precise manner. The number of civilian casualties has �yet to be ascertained�, presumably as there�s no-one on the allied staff that can count beyond two- digit figures. The US general, whose name escapes me now, said that the US army �Usually keeps the gloves on. This time we took the gloves off.� Just in case you were in any doubt, there. Though how you wage a less delicate and considerate campaign than they have already is one for the theoretical philosophers, and deluded warmongers.

Independent reports � i.e. every news channel outside the USA � have said that Iraqi civilians are being bought into hospitals (to the morgues � they�re dead, of course!) with melted skin, meaning that we�re using the very chemical weapons we deposed Saddam for having. I�m sure the doctors appreciate the rich irony, in among the rich smell of phosphorus. I�m also sure that �the gloves� are only �off� until the soldiers have to move any bodies.

In less depressing news, it seems our house move is timely as it is apparently being advertised as a brothel somewhere in London. For the past few days there has been a swarm of Turkish men ringing the doorbell, asking for �the Turkish Girl�. The way they are playing with the small change in their pockets as they ask leads me to believe they aren�t blood relatives popping round to help her with her homework.

Not that she even exists, at least at this address. She is like the prostitute equivalent of Keyser Soze.

Bruce suggested I don a wig and hide under some covers to provide �extras�. In other words, toss off Mediterraneans for pin money. I couldn�t even contemplate giving the basics, let alone extras. That said, my rent IS going to be going up from next month�