2004-10-08 - 4:58 p.m.

I love how Martha Stewart, on starting her time in the naughty person�s hotel, said: "There are many, many good people who have gone to prison. Look at Nelson Mandela." Yeah, let�s LOOK at Nelson Mandela, shall we? Wow! The similarity between him and you is just fucking blinding there, Martha. The only sliver of a measly little difference, is that he was a political prisoner convicted against all that can be held to be just, whereas you are a money-grabbing corporate whoretard who got caught with your perfectly manicured fingers in the greed-shaped cookie jar. Apart from that, you�re practically twins. I�m sure you will prove just as big an inspiration to the entire globe, you ditzy ethical amoeba.

Then you read some of the comments on her website: �I feel that I know you and I have shared all the wonderful things that you create and the wonderful person you are. Sending you to prison is a moral sin, in my book. A travesty of justice and fair play.� Would you listen to yourself, you blithering donut?! It just goes to show that celebrities are golden. Michael Jackson could be found guilty of running an entire primary school through his food processor, bathing erotically in their liquified remains, and then video-ing himself feeding the residue to a band of kidnapped six year olds whilst simultaneously arousing them with a small terrier and there would STILL be mobs of people braying how unfair it was that he might have to go to jail for a week.

That was Nelson�s problem. He should have got famous BEFORE he went to prison. You just couldn�t get the right publicists back then.