2004-08-06 - 2:41 p.m.

Today is the day is the day is the day when the fickle finger of fate either lets me suck whipped cream off its slender, beckoning tip or starts to limber up for a vigorous, full, extra-probing body cavity search. Today is the day when I will either be browsing the golden buckets full of diamonds catalogues or starring in a shit new reality show called When Book Deals Go Wrong. Today is the day � and can you stand the rampant, pulsating tension? � when the gods of writing either send down celestial sweetmeats to greet me, or eat a curry ready meal and fart in my face.

Only it�s not.

Because the person who was to make the decision �doesn�t work on Fridays�. Who the hell �doesn�t work on Fridays�? I mean, apart from usually me, of course.

So I�m left to stew in my own juices over the weekend, a helpless milquetoast once again. �As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport!�

Monday it is then.