2004-07-29 - 5:11 p.m.

Oy. Two nights on the razz with lashings of early morning starts and daily routines presented in full colour work-o-rama in between. Rolling out of late bars in Soho at a time when I really should be in bed dreaming of naps and snoozes is fast becoming a habit.

Today, I�m not really functioning, and my attention span is like that of an autistic fruit fly.

The paper bag my lunchtime sandwiches came in has Price W@terhouse C00pers advertised on the side of it. I wonder how many people are eating their tuna bap when they suddenly realise they need corporate accounting services?

An anagram of that company�s name is �O react, u periscope whores�, which would be a great name if you�re thinking of making a post rock LP.

Last night I nailed �That Old Black Magic� at karaoke, but discovered that �Killer Queen� is best left to those with more than one octave for a vocal range.

I just sneered at a marketing dweeb for using the word �impactful�, and was then dismayed to find out it is an actual word.

This afternoon I have to write 300 words someone who is selling the head of a hippo fashioned from papier mache, for which I can think of precisely zero uses, though conceivably it could briefly amuse a retarded zoophile.

Twenty minute discussions about whether �five grand� is more impactful than �five thousand pounds� can really sap you, like the person jabbering at you has a straw connected to your soul, and is casually sucking out your will to live.

All the time they were wittering at me, I was just nodding, and all I could think about was whether or not the caf� across the street would have any chicken escalopes left.

To describe a man who drinks a lot, the French say �He doesn�t suck on ice cubes�. But in French, obviously.

Seriously, though, what would lead you to believe that you could make money selling a papier mache hippo head?

And why isn�t there an English word for papier mache? Like the Eskimos with their many words for �snow�, I wonder if there is a country with many words for newspaper mixed with water and paste for handicraft purposes?

Uh, I really think I need to get some sleep.