2004-05-06 - 4:46 p.m.

This, like a single-finned goldfish, has been doing the rounds, so I shamelessly steal:

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Tindersticks

Are you female or male: Sweet, Sweet Man

Describe yourself: My Autumn�s Done Come

How do some people feel about you: Trouble Every Day

How do you feel about yourself: The Not Knowing

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: She�s Gone

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Jism

Describe where you want to be: Rented Rooms

Describe what you want to be: El Diablo El En Ojo

Describe how you live: Sexual Funk

Describe how you love: Can We Start Again?

Share a few words of wisdom: Sometimes it Hurts

By jovey-jimminy, if only life could be summed up in vaguely obscure song titles.

Speaking of fish, mine are seemingly intent on living for a very annoyingly long time indeed. Is six years really that necessary for a goldfish? Do you really think they have that much potential to fulfil? I mean, don�t get me wrong - I love Ken (the) Loach and FreemanHardyWillis. Oh, the way they swim excitedly every time I come into the room and walk tantalisingly close to the fish food carton, and then don�t actually feed them and then let them live in their own aquatic waste for months on end! It�s quite a friendship we have! No, I do have love for the gill-faced bottom feeders � it�s just slightly dented by the weighty burden of their enduring life force, tying me down into a long-dead relationship, the minimal amounts of pleasure they ever gave having evaporated like the water levels in their tank when I go on holiday without leaving care instructions. There�s no way they�re enjoying the watery thrills of another house move, that�s for damn sure as hiccups. So if they�ve got any living to do, they�d better get it done before the current lease runs out, that�s all I can say. Beautiful, loveable, tediously overrated little things.

So you�re saying that no-one in the country not in London (I can't go back to the smoke until Sunday) wants to go out for a drink on Saturday night? Fine. I�ll stay in and help my Mum polish the cobbles or clean out the homing pigeons.