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2004-04-22 - 6:10 p.m.

Ultra tired and random, no thanks to a meeting (I think this is the first meeting I have ever been to in my entire �professional� (hahahahahaha) life) that lasted about four days. I don�t really remember what it was about or what was said or who was there, but at one point someone paid for me to eat really nice belly of pork in a restaurant, so I feel it was extremely productive.

Corporate people are so WEIRD. It just takes over their entire personality.

Some things that were said by them about various things to do with business that I�d stopped listening to after about 0.3 seconds:

�At the moment these are all just big umbrellas � now we have to work out what�s sitting under them.�

�Pablo, I really don�t want to be too directortatorial about this.�

I think business would go a lot smoother if people just stopped making up words and using actual concrete references instead of reducing everything to absurd metaphor. I�d be much happier to apply �blue sky thinking� if I knew what it fucking well meant.

Also, over lunch, a couple of us (the freelancers, with nary a thought for company budgets) ordered (golly gosh) a beer to go with the food. It was a famous brand, but arrived in bottles made out of light, tin-like material as opposed to glass. This caused much excitement among the PR and Marketing amoebas, their grasping arms reaching to take the bottles and appraise them barely before they�d touched the table. This kind of people love to think they know what companies are doing with this kind of stunt, and the tragic thing is is that they probably do, because, let�s face it, great minds (that are obsessed with money and putting a dollar sign of every living thing on God�s clean earth) think alike.

The PR girl next to me, who cannot comprehend anything not said in business slang and has permanent grin on her vacant, soul-selling rictus asked me what I thought about this riveting change of packaging.

Her: What do you think they�re trying to do with this new packaging?

Me: Er, stop people trying to glass each other with empty bottles outside pubs at night?

Her (turning immediately away and shouting across the table to her colleague): It looks like they�re going after the ABC1 market, Jules�

I reach for my cutlery and slowly try to prise out my large intestine to see what thoughts they might have about branding it.

If I ever use the word �branding� in serious conversation, you have my full permission to jab chopsticks into my eyes. Seriously.

Now sleep. Tomorrow St Tropez.

And I�m not sure about how the ethics of this work, but I would really like to see those photos of Princess Die - just to check if I�m outraged enough about the invasion of privacy and sick exploitation, of course.

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