2003-11-21 - 3:21 p.m.

Top 5 most detested words and phrases league, in order of offensiveness, Nov 03, with appropriate punishments for usage.

1. Singleton (upended on bed of sharp twigs, half kilo of salt emptied onto gaping wounds, buried alive under six tonnes of pulped Lonely Hearts columns)

2. Methinks (bamboo shoots up nostrils until they hit bone matter, with a hey nonny nonny)

3. Latte, when pronounced by loathsome sloans as �lah-tay� (attachment of most sensitive extremity to coffee bean grinding equipment)

4. Don�t go there (go there, with a fully charged cattle prod)

5. Movie / mail / cellphone (UK only. Suffocation with mustard-gas infused Stars & Stripes)

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I was at the anti-Bush rally yesterday, and it was heartening to see the outpouring of hatred for this man. �You�re lucky to be in a country where you can express yourselves freely,� he said. I guess he had a point. We could be living in America, after all.

There were 300,000ish people there, not too shabby for a weekday afternoon. A lot of Americans, too, which was impressive, since it wasn�t a protest against the country, just the murdering chimp that runs it.

I was listening to William Burroughs� Thanksgiving Prayer at home the other day and it seemed an appropriate sentiment for the day:

�Thanks for the American dream, To vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through�

�Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.�