2003-08-22 - 3:54 p.m.

A number of my friends have spawned children now, and with what result? OK, so they�ve got that whole �furtherance of the species� string to their reproductive bow, and children can, under certain circumstances provide a basic level of free entertainment, if you don�t count the untold thousands you have to spend on keeping your house faeces-free and fire-retardant stuffed dolphins.

No, they�re fine as far as they go, but what I�m talking about is the continued failure, and I have to point mainly to the women in the equation here, to grasp the gaping nettle (note to self: not sure this is a logical metaphor) of the golden opportunity to be a true pioneer in the culinary world. Yes, I�m talking human cheese.

Not one of them has shown any enthusiasm for what I�m constantly telling them is a winning product. OK, so production would be small scale, but surely that just increases its reputation (by which I mean the one it would surely and quickly earn) as a luxury delicacy. As for marketing, well, it really sells itself � you loved it as a barely-functioning semi-sentient mewling cabbage, well discover that lactic fluid has grown up with you, and is now a sophisticated cheese that�s the perfect accompaniment to slivers of focaccia, toasted ciabatta or a family sized bucket of KFC.

The name? "Cheese of human kindness"

But are there any takers? Are there bogroll!