2003-01-16 - 4:11 p.m.

Seems like every male celebrity over fifty is being arrested for paedophilia, and sadly the newspapers still ignore my suggested Pete Townsend headline of �WHO�S LOOKING AT YOU, KIDS�

It�s great because we can get rid of all our washed-up cronies in one fell swoop. Hopefully the police will be arresting anyone with even slightly greying hair and a increasingly unlistenable back catalogue that has ever typed the word �paedophilia� into a computer, and I�m also lobbying for mandatory imprisonment for anyone over the age of 15 that�s ever read a Harry Potter �novel�, which is, and you can stop your internal dialogue, tantamount to much the same thing. Creaming yourself over bespectacled wizardry one day, having your hard drive scanned by the special branch the next, I say.

He was in a band called The Who, see?

UPDATE: This is totally true. 20 minutes after posting this entry, two members of the special branch were in my bedroom, just looking for someone that used to live here, but scaring me witless in the process. Teach me to take Harry's name in vain.