2003-01-14 - 4:06 p.m.

My mindless optimism about this year rages on, despite all evidence to the contrary. Yesterday I had a feature rejected by someone whose big scoop last year involved noticing that girls were tucking their jeans into their boots. It�s hard being told you �lack a certain readability� by a fashion correspondent. Still, I foresee great things because if nothing else, then a stubborn, blind refusal to stare blatant facts directly in the face will always see us through.

The spare time that I can allocate towards getting annoyed at the advertising industry is rising exponentially with my unemployability, though, I�m pleased to report. The one that currently sends me into foam-mouthed conniptions is ostensibly harmless. It�s just for a multi-surface cleaning spray. The bit that gets me is that they claim it �harnesses the power of the orange�, and then shows a juicy orange morphing into a squirt gun filled with hydrochloric acid and bleach. So what power would that be exactly? The power to garnish garish cocktails in Tiki bars? What�s the big potency factor of this citrus fruit? And just what fruity character traits will our chemical industries be claiming to have harnessed next? The bashful indignation of the pineapple? The malicious sarcasm of the avocado?

Someone needs to give me a job before I start throwing things at my TV.

I don�t know why, but this picture sums up my attitude at the moment (neither of these lady�s long term boyfriends were harmed in the taking of this photo):