2002-11-02 - 7:49 p.m.

OK, I'm sick of indoors and feeling my stitches now. My only trip has been to the corner shop, where I was hoping some curious bypasser would ask me how I got my gash, and I could tell her it was in a heroically-handled knife incident, but no-one noticed. Facial scarring is practically de rigeur this end of town, anyway. Coincidentally, I'm sure you saw this in The Onion: