2002-02-27 - 6:07 p.m.
�Her haircut�she looked pudgy and made up�it was sad the lengths that she�d gone to to appear more attractive�in the process losing something you never knew but still missed��
Two more of my friends have reproduced and they have the pictures to prove it. They sent out greetings cards with the gurning infant splashed across the front. Opening it caused not a small amount of distress first thing in the morning. Jesus. Someone�s sending me baby pictures. I half-sleepily thought I was being hit by a random paternity suit (please God, not that New Year�s Eve 1998�) though given the passage of time since I tried anything vaguely procreative, the pictures were more likely to have been from my unwanted offspring�s college graduation. I called my Mum because, being Catholic, she immediately needs to know if anyone I�ve ever met has done anything to strengthen the family-based morality of human race (marriage, birth, corrective homosexuality treatment). Her: �What does the baby look like?� Me: �Er�� Her: �Well, is it a cute photograph?� Me: �Well, he isn�t swimming around in fetid pools of his own feculence, his grossly deformed limbs flailing around like a terry towelling-adorned aberration of nature.� Actually, I think I said: �I guess�, which was satisfactorily baby-friendly for her (she still holds out hope, bless her).
Today�
Me: Hey, it�s my last day on Friday and I think we�re going to the pub after work. Fancy coming?
Cute Temp: No. I don�t drink.
Me: What? Liquids?
Cute Temp: I mean, I have to�er�get back early.
�You knew you were lost as soon as you saw her�.and you saw your life as a series of complicated dance steps�impossible to learn, they had to come naturally�together you squirmed and wriggled, and I could only jerk along behind��
I live to skive another day. The specialist bottled it. Called in sick. Pah! The rematch is in three weeks. You�ve all been brilliant. I�m undeserving, but ever grateful.
Big kiss.
�They�re going to hurt you�.they always will��
