2002-02-23 - 12:05 p.m.

Yesterday I learned that �Coprolagnia� is the term for sexual pleasure derived from eating faecal matter. It came up at work, though I�m unsure why. Some business e-mail. Apparently the term could be applied to Chuck Berry. Or Little Richard. I guess it doesn�t matter. Unless you�re either of those people.

Also, �Transmogrify� is to transform something�s physical appearance, like when Jesus turned wine into cats.

Yesterday on the way to work, a woman got stuck at the tube barrier without a ticket. Behind her was a huge blind guy with a guide dog. She explained to him that she couldn�t get through. He kindly offered to put his ticket through, and deftly sneak through behind her. I�m sorry, but if there�s one person that isn�t going to be doing any deftly sneaking through ticket barriers, it�s a fat blind guy with a huge fucking tubby Labrador on a leash. He put his ticket in, and she walked through, and the barriers slammed shut and he walked straight into them. Quelle surprise! That stunt is hard enough at the best of times. I forgot my ticket at Liverpool Street and tried to deftly sneak through with the woman in front of me and almost broke her ankle.

Ray Charles said that the worst thing about being blind is that when you masturbate, you�re never sure if anyone is watching.

My two blind Polish friends are both psychologists and both play the bongos.

Last night I was the most stoned I�ve ever been and I swear I�m not into solvent abuse, but I sniffed a bottle of this weird liquid skin, um, liquid that you put on cuts. And got high. I also publicly admitted that I find scars really sexy (with the disclaimer that I "don't want to do anything wierd to wounds") and that Miranda is my favourite SITC girl, purely because she would be the only one I had any kind of �chance� with. I�m trying not to think about the fact that my life apparently seems to include assessing my chances of having sex with fictional characters.

Last night I followed a conversation for some minutes thinking that someone was talking about a person when in fact they were talking about a cat. Last night I thought that some people in this life are really worth knowing. Last night I was sleeping on an uncomfortable couch and I woke up and started talking gibberish. Last night I made some decisions and last night I tried not to think about next week because that�s what I�m doing this week.