2002-02-06 - 6:45 p.m.

Someone once said that satire died the day Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I think it was Gore Vidal, or possibly Christina Aguilera. Anyway, I won�t have a word said about the nomination for George Garrison and My Little Tony. Because they HAVE bought peace, and in little more time than it takes to say �eleven percent increase in Pentagon arms expenditure�. Peace to the despondent boardrooms of major munitions manufacturers, who can now safely retire on their blood-soaked stock options. Peace to the panicky vote-rigging, scrawny little chicken-necked petroleum tycoons, who can sleep like babies now the US will control the last of the world�s fossil fuel supplies. Peace to hundreds of innocent Afghani civilians and UN workers, who won�t have to worry any longer about oppressive regimes, as they�ll be too busy slowly decomposing underneath huge mounds of rubble. I just hope they remember, when they step up to the podium (I assume �problem� members of the committee are being �advised� as we speak) and Tony gets off his knees and George does up his flies, that they remember to thank the lone figure, long since forgotten, but the man without whom, none of this would have been possible. He can�t be with us tonight ladies and gentlemen, because we�ve stopped giving a tinker�s toss where he is, but please, let�s hear it�for Mr Osama Bin Laden. Peace out�