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2002-02-05 - 7:21 p.m.

�Working for vacation, walking for medication, watching television for as long as I want�.people got science but make no sense, still can�t do anything for cutting out violence��

Actual words used by genuine, well-paid upper management in my presence today include �unlegible�, �equivalise� and �Haven�t you got work to do?�

In financial news, I�m committing hara-kiri by honourably falling onto my overdraft. The gay website have had their assets frozen, several hundred pounds of which had previously been skipping their merry way towards my gaping bank account to help pay for the essentials this month, like something to go with my rice other than the solitary bottle of ketchup I somehow seem to own, and the four-weekly joke we have in London called �paying an apparently reasonable amount of rent�. The senior management are being financially felched (sorry) by the eager receivers and what�s the bets there�ll be SNIFF ALL left for tireless freelance staff who, oh look, aren�t actually covered by a written contract. It�s so unfair � one of the few actual times in my life that I actually WORKED to earn money and it�s pulled from under my feet like a rug made out of five pound notes that I�ll never own.

�When I think of something it goes out to space, then it comes back to another shape��

I fucking hate money. And I know that this and the last entry may make me sound like a cheapskate (as my old granddad would say to intimate meanness, ��Ee wouldn�t give thee steam of �iz piss��), but I assure you that funds permitting I would buy every one of you the moist, shiny present of your dreams in a second. It�s not like I want much. I don�t want a car or a house or a series of solid gold, jewel-encrusted statues of me in manly, heroic poses. I just want to be able to see my friends and do whatever I want without worrying about the cost. And if they live in New York or San Francisco or somewhere where I just need an extension on my travelcard, I just don�t want it to matter. And now I feel bad because I�m not an Afghani orphan having to lick essential nutrients off unexploded Daisy Cutters, so I should shut the fuck up and put my idiot brain into thinking of a plan.

But I just need to be mad for like 30 minutes OK? Still, as my old gran used to say, �Two tears in a bucket? Mother FUCK IT !� (name that film for a cheeky bonus point).

�We know we are not apes, but we could make sweet seedless grapes��

Know your chicken

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