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2002-01-28 - 5:09 p.m.

�Maybe it's time to make a bee-line, No more sitting on the sideline, Haven't got the time to waste time, So maybe it's time to make a bee-line�Hold on wait just a minute, Stop right there don't go nowhere stay where you are, Oh, keep on don't give in to it, Be aware be debonair be what you are��

So several millennia seem to have passed since I last had sex�certain strains of primordial amoeba have in that time evolved gills, ventured onto dry land and are currently living in trees and experimenting with an all-fruit diet. I was thinking that it should work with people the same way it works with pandas, except with less bamboo � if you go through a lengthy fallow period, some benevolent organisation should have potential participants airlifted in from different continents in big wooden crates. I was just wondering if anything much had changed? I mean, obviously pureed monkey glands won�t be the accessory du jour that they once were, but I just wanted to check, optimistically assuming the finite nature of this period, I�m not going to have to invest in any voguish equipment, like a trampette or a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig or anything. Someone at a party was trying to tell me that talking dirty is currently in fashion � I mean, in an erotic way and not just swearing a lot like the tramps drinking meths outside the park gates. I�ve never been the greatest exponent of the lewd comment, and my experiences of it have always been near-comical, particularly the girl at college who once inexplicably (and quite bossily) said �Kiss me where I wee.� I mean, my technique is shaky enough without comments like that being thrown into the equation. And to be frank, it�s a tweak away from the arena of poo-poo and Perspex. Um. I forget my point.

�Go on, you could be lucky, Take a chance just make a stance and let `em know, Oh, straight ahead where the road's not crooked, Just give a glance a skip and dance and off you go��

By the way, ten points if you can place this: �It was like swimming through a flabby-armed spanking machine!�

Maybe it's time to make a bee-line, No more sitting on the sideline, Haven't got the time to waste time, So maybe it's time to make a bee-line��

Tequila, it makes me happy

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