2002-01-15 - 3:24 p.m.
�If we could see politics, what would it look like? A cube. But with all its corners on the inside.�
Bush. Pretzel. So near, but yet so far.
So just when you thought the syllables �Har�, �ry� and �Pot� couldn�t saturate the media any more, along comes Prince Harry Pothead, regally stoking up a phat one in the palace basement and getting constitutional on yo� ass. Can you blame him? His mother undergoes the most public death since JFK and we�re freaked out that he�s drinking, toking and, um, swallowing live goldfish at family weddings? The kid�s traumatised for J-Lo�s sake! And besides, do you realise the quality of merchandise you probably have access to being third in line to the throne? But it�s no wonder all these high profile kids are going off the rails � the Blairs, the Bushes, the Windsors � I mean, we think our parents are embarrassing sometimes, but at least they�re not involved in fucking up society on an international scale�I mean, that�s GOT to require a bit of recreational escapism, no?
�An optimist sees half a glass of milk - he says it is half full; a pessimist sees half a glass of milk - he says it is half empty; I see half a glass of milk - I say�it is sour."
It would have been interesting to note the reaction had the young prince been caught taking, say, Ecstasy. This has to be by far the most demonised drug of our times - considering it kills about three people a year, putting it on a par with golfing fatalities, unicycle mishaps or freak incidents with sticky buns (I mean sugary cakes, not gooey buttocks�though maybe the stats there are also comparable). And the best the government can do to ward people off is saying stuff like, �Er�.if you take one�um�you might die!� Well buff my spandex catsuit and highlight my shoulder-length perm, Mr Drugs Tsar. Guess fucking what? Be too poor to afford private healthcare? You might die! Have a diet that included British beef in the 1980�s? You might die! Live in a country whose war-mongering foreign policies cause fanatics to�oh, I don�t know, fly planes into skyscrapers? You might die! Since when have governments ever cared if you die or not? Seems to me they just don�t want you to have a good time doing it. Where were the warnings about hamburgers in 1983 you fucks?! You knew all along! Where was THAT commercial? A whole generation now has to worry that an extra quarter pounder at the church barbecue is now causing government-endorsed rotting of our brains? Well, excuse us whilst we take industrial amounts of mood-altering drugs just to forget about it for a while.
In addition, our caring politicians are implying that it�s the actual pill that kills you, putting the onus on the evil dealer as opposed to their own pitifully inadequate education programmes. It is almost unheard of for a death to be caused by the actual chemicals in the pill. It�s almost always because teenagers dance for fourteen hours on half a pint of water because they�ve never learned anything about drugs in school. Meanwhile, some repulsive coked-up news editor takes a chug out of his hip flask and trots out the tired old clich�s about how drugs �have ruined this young life�, pausing only to call his dealer and pop some Viagra so that he can later sexually harass a secretary. Not that I really do drugs (at least, like the late Mr Hicks, no more than the average touring funk band) but I�m thinking I should do more just to escape all this sickening hypocrisy. Now, if only I knew a member of the royal family�I wonder who�s fourth in line to the throne?
If you hate this, you�ll detest the ongoing embarrassment of my Detective - EPISODE EIGHT ONLINE NOW!
�An old man stands naked in front of a mirror, eating soup. He is a fool"
